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It’s just a number; it doesn’t define how I really feel.

Twenty years ago, I turned 10. Ten years ago, I became 20. I don’t remember my decennial birthdays or what happened on each of them. It’s possible I had a party when I was 10. I might have been with friends or taking finals when I was 20. Now comes my third decennial birthday.

When I was thinking to my future so long ago, I could have imagined it in many different ways. Maybe I would be a successful musician or audio engineer. Maybe I would be a doctor. I never had a clue what I wanted to be when I “grow up”.

From a biased look on the outside of nearly thirty years of life, it seems like I’ve had so much time to leave a legacy. I was given countless opportunities and time to do whatever I wanted. I’ve had a blessed life to make so many memories.

But no, I’m not where I could be. I’m not where I thought I’d be. I also have little regret about my choices. My destiny hasn’t caught up with me, not yet at least. Web design is my easiest path, but I hesitate to leave the music and entertainment world. However, these decisions and choices will be made soon. My life is changing.

If you told me that I was thirty years old, I would laugh in your face and exclaim, “Big deal!”. That number means nothing to me especially considering I don’t feel my age.

I’m not old, I’m just experienced. It’s time to put this experience to good use.

Goodbye, my reckless and irresponsible twenties. I enjoyed you as much as I could when I finally realized age doesn’t stop. You weren’t always good to me but I made the best of you.

Hello, thirties. You’re gonna bring me the best years of my life. I know aging will make my life better, so I expect a lot more out of you. Just don’t give up on me when I fail. You can remind me I’m better for being here. I promise I’ll do my best to enjoy you more than I’ve ever enjoyed my life.

Since my last post on Moscow, I though about writing the following topics:

• St. Petersburg
• 2009
• web design galore
• having no social life
• wishing I didn’t have to submit my taxes or pay for car insurance

Since my last post, I’ve had no desire to sit down and write until this very moment.

You see, I’ve been busy. At least, I’ve kept myself busy with work. I’m not putting in 40 hours a week every week but I’m coming close to it.

As a freelance/contract/self-employed person who works 2 part-time jobs on the side, I work harder for my money than the average person.
I don’t clock in.
I don’t have water cooler chats with my coworkers.
I don’t have a boss peering over my shoulder
I’m my own boss and I call my own hours.

Writing, as I’ve said in the past, is tough for me. Creative writing is even more of a chore. I force myself to do it because it’s good for me and keeps you informed. I almost want to blame my lack of desire on my site’s design. I feel like this design is only half complete. Thinking about editing it makes me bored. So my site sits here and I don’t say much.

I remember when I first started writing on my site 7 years ago. It was much more frequent, it was exciting, and I generally felt as ease typing more than I do now.

Life has gotten the best of me lately, and I’m much less motivated to do certain things than I was before. Wax and wane I guess.

Since I’ve had no social life in January, February is stacking up to be much more productive in that way. I’ve planned a few trips and sacrificed going on others.

It’s going to be an interesting next few months. Maybe I’ll drop by a little more. Maybe I’ll even write a few more times a month.

Cathedral of Christ the Saviour

My first view of Moscow was late at night; approximately 12:30am is when we left. Over 24 hours into my visit to Russia, I had some jet lag to fight. This was a partial reason for my delayed entrance to Moscow’s City Centre.

As with any big city, and even at one in the morning, we waited through about 15 minutes of traffic just a couple of miles down the main freeway. (Do Muscovites call those major road freeways?) Luckily, we were mostly on our way after the unexpected and annoying delay.

Before I knew it, several minutes later, we had reached the center. Driving the different streets of the center of Moscow, I saw aspects of the big tourist spots: the Kremlin, St. Basil’s Cathedral, Cathedral of Christ the Saviour, and various other places.

My first impression was noticing how similar this was to most other major cities to where I’ve been: traffic, companies everywhere, pubs/bars, crazy drivers, flashy signs and billboards. It was also noticing the differences: position of stop lights, how many crazy drivers there are, uniqueness of buildings, banner advertisements hanging in the middle of the streets. Moscow was so similar yet so different.

My first real taste of Moscow was a ride down the beautiful subway system. Moscow arguably has the most beautiful subway in the world. Many of the stops have beautiful architecture with a lot of attention to detail. It was as though most inner city stops were planned to be lavish. As you travel outward, at least to the north on our line, the stops lose their appeal.

With a quick stop to exchange my money, we were on our way to eat. My first meal out to eat in Moscow? Underground mall fast food! Under the Kremlin area is a huge mall. Once you depart the subway looking area and enter the mall area, it’s very similar to any other mall you’ve ever been to. There are several levels of shops to peruse or at which to window shop. It was so unusual but quite fascinating.

The Kremlin, St. Basil’s Cathedral and the rest of central Moscow was my tourist climax. It’s where all people must go, it’s where most tourists take photos and it’s the very well kept up. Being that it was the holiday season, lights were on many buildings and an ice skating rink was setup by the GUM (mall). There I was, standing in front of St. Basil, the icon of what Russia was to me.

In general, central Moscow reminds me of most larger metropolitans like New York City, Boston, or Washington D.C. Some would find it a little dirty, most would pay more attention to the uniqueness of its architecture and layout. For instance, sometimes you can’t cross the road. You literally have to take a tunnel to get to the other side. It’s these differences which kept me wondering what I was going to see next.

Palace Square in St. Petersburg, Russia

This was another trip of firsts: first 13 hour flight, first time being anywhere near the North Pole, first time to spend the majority of all 13 hours in darkness, first time to be around plane full of Russian speaking natives and visitors, and my first time to visit the largest country in the world. Russia.

I knew my nerves would eventually get to me. In the air thousands of miles above Canada, Greenland and Scandinavia, it never hit me. In fact, just an hour or less before we landed, I looked out the window. It was drawing towards evening local Moscow time.

I looked towards the ground and quickly glanced at the sky. It’s the moon. I also saw two other bright dots: Jupiter and Venus. I had forgotten this event was happening until that moment.

Before I knew it, it was time to land. 13 hours is much too long to stay seated in such a confined space, but I survived. Then came the rush.

We landed pretty quickly. My anxiety was very low; I was distracted by trying to gather all my stuff and pack up. It didn’t occur to me where I was.
Not yet.

All packed and following the crowd. We weren’t at a gate and we walked down the portable stairs to a bus. Five minutes later, we arrived at the next destination: customs.

As I walked off the bus and and looked around, frost in my breath and intrigue in my eyes, it finally hit me.

This is Russia.
I’m here.
Thousands of miles away from everyone and everything comfortable to me.
Except one new person.

We walked up to the customs stations, waiting for our turns to be inspected. Not knowing where everything was, what to expect, I wondered if the other side of these booths was my friend. I searched but saw no one. Nope, just baggage. One more wait, and one more path until I met her. Tanya.

With two bags on my shoulders and a suitcase handle in my hand, I quickly greeted her, nervous and anxious. Here is my accommodation, my lifeline, and my only personal contact for the next 11 nights. The greeting was initially awkward and a little weird. I was really nervous but trying to act as smooth as I can.

My first car ride into Russia was mentally blurry, with so many new sites, foreign characters and letters and a curiosity about what’s to come. With lots of silence, quiet awe and wonder, I looked around, made awkward small talk and generally took in what I could see.

So began my first night in Moscow, my first night in Russia, and the first night in a completely new, foreign and intriguing place.

It has now been half a week since I returned from Moscow, Russia. I spent a total of eleven nights in Russia, spending 14 hours in St. Petersburg and 14 hours on two overnight trains to and from St. Petersburg. The rest of my stay was in Moscow. Having seen and been to many places, I want to declare that Russia is not a 3rd world country.

Before I left, I tried to do a lot of research and find answers to questions I had about Russia. Specifically, I needed to make sure I felt safe and informed about what to do and where to go. I searched Google for travel tips and advice. This was, in fact, a country of which I had very little knowledge except for the tidbits I learned in school. The assumptions I made, the ideas I formed, they were not very accurate. Let’s go over some stupid misconceptions.

Continue reading

I’m exhausted.

I will finally update my blog very soon with photos and blog posts about my trip and my impressions. Russia is not at all what the Internet wants you to believe, the language is beautiful and very difficult to learn, and I didn’t see nearly as much as I wanted to.

Another trip back? Maybe…

I have never felt so interested to comment on another blog lately. Having read this latest post on Cameron Moll’s site, I can’t even begin to explain how similarly I feel.

Once upon a time, I was dreaming about becoming a music composition major. Specifically, I was interested in writing music for films. My musical inspirations, the same exact ones he listed, were and are a big part of my life musically. Knowing that I have it in me to do similar, I wanted so badly to gain that treasured title: composer.

However, life was not as I hoped.

I eventually found myself on the path that has lead to where I am today. I have absolutely no regrets or complaints about the cards I’ve been dealt in life. I like to think I’ll still compose music for films someday. But back then, the timing wasn’t right, and I wasn’t qualified. Maybe some day.

This is exactly how I feel about going back to music composition. I’ve enjoyed my career as a web designer. I feel passionate about design, even if I’m not at the highest level of quality in my designs. Web design is and will always be a part of my life.

Music, however, has been and still is a huge part of my life. I even think music IS life. Without it, I don’t know who I would be. It is my inspiration, my motivation, the reason I smile, the reason I’m sad, it stimulates and touches me. I use it to enhance my life in times of joy and times of sorrow.

Recently, although not lately, I have finally begun a new journey back into music. I’m not sure where this journey shall lead, or if it shall produce the results I intend. I’m writing music with a friend, who is just as musical as I am. We intend to see how this turns out, what our music shall do. We don’t know what kind of success we could have, but I know this is important to both of us.

My dream for music composition is once again a reality, but not the reality I sought so long ago. I cannot wait to see where this venture goes. It’s a big reason I am still in LA today, maybe the main reason.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t nervous right now. I’m about to leave for the airport, spend a couple of hours getting there, checking in and boarding the plane, then spending 13 hours going straight to Moscow nonstop.

The next time I’ll touch the ground, I’ll be thousands of miles away from home.  I hope I have everything I need because there’s no turning back.

Will someone hold my hand, please?

This was the view from our roof. This photos links to a set of photos from the fire.

The difference between a normal night out and a night of anxiety watching a wildfire just within a couple of miles by my house is less than 60 minutes

It was Friday night. I was debating whether or not to go out and be social since I knew of a big party where I could potentially meet many people. That was my first mistake.

Within an hour of arriving to the bar in Chinatown, I received a picturemail with what looked like distant flames and then a phone call telling me that there’s a huge fire in my front yard. I made no hestitation about leaving, saying goodbye to the host, and I was on my way to spend the rest of my night worrying.

Traveling up the freeway, the closer I got to my neighborhood, the brighter the sky around it became. Once I passed over a slight hill that was blocking my view, I saw flames literally engulf the side of a mountain just to the northwest of my house. Not that I knew where I was looking, as I got closer I knew these flames were literally within walking biking/driving distance of my house.

The remainder of the night was spent without electricity, the occasional visit to online news sites from my phone, taking photographs of what I saw, and wondering if/when we were going to be evacuated. Because of the intense Santa Ana winds, evacuation was mandatory for all neighborhoods to our west. We, however, were lucky enough to escape this fire narrowly. We knew by 3am that this probably wouldn’t hit us.

As restless as I was, I spent the remainder of my three hours awake going online, reading, watching, and trying to get a connection from my phone to my laptop. It was frustrating, I was jittery, and I was ready to go to sleep even though my mind would not let me.

By the time I woke up on Saturday morning, only getting around 4 hours of sleep, I decided that without electricity I would be useless at my house. So I decided to spend the day at work to ease my mind and watch the news. Knowing that the house electricity had not been restored that day, I also spent most of the evening out before deciding to try the house and see if power was back. Victory!

24 hours of wildfire madness was enough for me. I’m thankful to still have a standing home and a place to sleep. I think this was the last thread of wildfires I will see in this area for a long time. Two in one year is more than enough.