ipledge is NOT for men!

This year, I decided it was best for me to start taking Accutane again. I’ve had an acne problem since I was a young teen and it has adversely affected me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I feel self-conscious when I have even minor zits and acne, and the scars from the years of fighting this problem makes me unhappy about my appearance and confidence. I’m not easy to admit this but I’ve always been told the truth shall set you free.

Let me begin by describing Accutane. It is a popular brand of the generic drug Isotretinoin which contains a significant amount of Vitamin A. This helps to dry out your skin, which helps prohibit the development of oils that usually promote acne to develop. The medication can be so severe that it dries out the skin causing symptoms such as peeling, cracking on your lips, drying your eyes out, nosebleeds, and worse effects such as headaches and depression from the chemical imbalance and emotional challenge of this fight.

Last year, the FDA approved a program called ipledge aimed at targeting women to not use this drug while pregnant. Accutane can cause birth defects and thus is harmful for women who are pregnant.

That’s fine and dandy. Except men are required to enter this program.

That’s right. I’m required to register each month with ipledge, even though my chances of getting pregnant are ZERO. It’s physically impossible (even though a customer rep from ipledge claimed my chances of getting pregnant are really low! WHAT??) for me to become pregnant.

One of the very strict rules that the FDA has made with this stupid program is that if I don’t fill my prescription within 7 days of my doctor visit, I must wait 30 days to get back into the program, which is also the amount of time for the initial waiting period before you can get prescribed medicine. There’s no other reason than that.

The pharmacy at which I was getting my drugs first told me they couldn’t get into the system because of some password. They told me to wait a day. Fine. The next day I went in to get everything and they said they were still having trouble and that they should have it by Friday. I told them to give me a call when they have it. No phone call. I then called them back and asked them why they never called me. The lady who took my prescription was on vacation and never did anything about it. Then they claimed to have lost my prescription before calling me back saying they found it. By that time, it was too late anyway and they had to call to find that I didn’t qualify because of this 7 day waiting period. I’m never going back there again.

Needless to say, none of what happened was in my control and I am now, AGAIN for the 3rd time THIS year, taking ANOTHER 30 day break to restart the prescription. I called ipledge this morning and was very stern and aggravated but the guy (who had no idea what he was saying) assured me it was beyond his or anyone else’s control.

I hate the ipledge program. I don’t belong there, I don’t need to be enrolled, but in order for me to even begin to fight this mess I must abide by its rules. I should make a life’s not fair category and stick this under it. The worst part about this is that I’ve done everything I can up until now and have nothing to do but wait until my next appointment with the doctor. Not only is this affecting the treatment, but I now have to waste more money to see the doctor, more money on more prescriptions, and more time worrying about everything. I hate to worry, I hate being angry, I hate acne, and I hate ipledge.

Best Prank Ever!

I never had the opportunity to experience something like this, but you all know you thought about doing it in college. I wish I was ingenius enough to pull off something like or to have it pulled off on me.

The ultimate prank

a year of real jobs

One year ago, I spent this whole weekend in San Francisco visiting a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in a year or two. We went touring all throughout the city, seeing a lot of great sites as well as enjoying some wine up in Sonoma County. I also went through some mess on my last day there.

My car got towed the moment I arrived in the city. So I spent the following Tuesday paying the city whatever cash I had and walking around town or riding on the bus to various locations just to claim my car. What a total waste of time and such a crappy way to end my beautiful stay in that city. Luckily, I’ve been back again to reclaim my love.

The day after my return from the bay area, I began my brand new job as a Website Content Manager, which was disguised as Front End Web Designer. I spent the next 9 months of my life working for the man before finding another job doing actual Front End Web Designer work. And I’ve been there 3 months and counting.

It’s weird that I’ve lived 27 years and I’m only one year into working full-time. Most of my peers back in Texas or around the country have had many full-time jobs since they graduated college at around 22-24. It just took me longer. And for good reason.

I moved out to LA just over 2 years ago to find work. Houston had nothing there for me and I was at the end of the line trying to find anything worth my time. LA, however, wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. The opportunities I thought I had quickly dissolved and I was back to square one quickly. This time, however, I had a part-time job at Magic Mountain and some freelance gigs which I took for granted.

I’ve battled laziness all of my life. I enjoy the moments where I’m doing absolutely nothing. It’s easy, it’s relaxing, and I don’t have to think about anything. But this has severly kept me from doing the things I really ought to be doing.

I love traveling.
I love music.
I love photography.
I love performing.
I love producing.
I love desiging.
I love technology.

I had a year and a half to get any step of my career going, something that involved any of the above. And through all that time I wasted, nothing happened because I made excuses and went back “home” for weeks on end. I don’t regret all the traveling I’ve done. I just regret the actions I never took when I was here. And it’s my own fault.

If this past year of working two full-time jobs has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I deserve to spend my time doing the things which I love. All of the above, and much more. I am an ambitious person, one with dreams and desires. And I hope that I can accomplish living a life full of passion. Not for anyone but myself. Day in and day out should be spent smiling and enjoying life in everything you do. And if people accuse me of lacking focus, it’s because I want more from my life than most people.

I’m not going to settle because I plan to live. In the meantime, I’ll continue what I am doing and figure out my next moves.

backend upgrade complete

Nothing you can see but I had to reload the whole backend and make a few upgrades. I had put this off since last summer when my previous host took my site offline all of a sudden. So I’m now up to the latest MovableType software and I completely reloaded my phpBB software.

I’ve also decided to make my comments only available to registered users. No more anonymous comments because spammers have been abusing it and it’s really annoying when I’m having to clean a lot of spam out daily.

Next on the agenda for this site is new designs. I need to refresh badly.

I also hope to integrate more cool things and make my site more interactive for others who visit. One thing I’d love to do eventually is have a database for my groovy albums. But that’s work that I’m not ready to take on right now.

I also hope to get a photo gallery up and running. There’s a really cool software package that I’ve found but can’t seem to get it working just yet.

updates

If you see this, it means my new update to MovableType is working. I’m not completely up and running yet, but I’m working on it.

In the meantime, I’ve gotta plug the new Opera 9. I’m reeeeeally liking it. Firefox is getting so slow and Opera is so streamlined and slim now. And free! Go try it.

in the mind of the shy

I know he’s trying to say something to me.
I can see his lips moving, and I hear noises coming from his mouth.
I hear a few words ‘funny’ and ‘the’ and ‘tonight’.
I wish I was better at reading lips.

We arrived at the Back Alley around 10pm last night and before I got there, I was excited to be going out but I was worried that the noise of the bar was going to be too loud. I have super sensitive ears and my ongoing tinnitus really affects how well I hear what’s going on and what people say.

It was a typical bar with typical patrons. Lots of twenty-somethings. All enjoying themselves, mingling and trying to figure out what to do next. I was probably the only one who decided not to drink anything at all. I had every intention of drinking before I stepped foot in the bar. Yet, as soon as I saw the crowd of complete strangers we were hanging with, I suddenly lost my thirst.

‘Are you drinking?’
‘Naw, I have to drive home so I won’t have anything’

That set the course for my night right there. I’m not quick enough to think for myself, that maybe having a few drinks would help me loosen up. I didn’t feel uptight by any means, but my body language sure gave off that vibe.

I don’t have any clue what I should say to these people. I don’t even know them. Besides, even if I do strike up a conversation, I can’t hear half of the things they say.

I knew she was having a great time and I hate being the buzz kill.

‘Go enjoy yourself, I’m fine. I’m totally ADD right now and am watching everyone.’

It’s not a lie, but part of me wishes I was better at approaching people without making a mess of myself verbally. I’m too self conscious about sounding stupid or looking stupid. So I watch people. I typically don’t stare at one or two people, I am constantly moving my head to the left and then to the right. My eyes wander the crowd, trying to understand what people are doing and saying. But I turn my head in just enough time to not even comprehend what’s going on.

There’s so much going on.
There’s too much to take in.

He’s going up to her.
He must know her because she responded right away.
Maybe it’s just that he’s cute and knows what to say.
That sign is so blue.
I have no idea how to approach someone like that.
Look at her, she’s smoking and looks bored.
Why is the ceiling so open like this?
That sign looks pretty cool.
Interesting, she couldn’t care less about him.
Why is she staring at me?
She’s probably just also making random eye contact with me.
Oh well.

I turn my head to the TV and watch it so that I’m looking interested in at least something. I don’t care that it’s Bravo or some other random channel playing some random syndication of some random TV show. It’s my distraction from having to actually make eye contact and talk to anyone.

‘You ok?’
‘Yeah, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me! Just go have fun’

It’s uncomfortable when people worry about me. By now the whole group of strangers notices how uncomfortable I look, again not intentionally. At this point, I can’t give in and order a drink. I still don’t want one but I’m pretty much the one person who’s not drinking in the whole city of Fullerton.

Am I ever gonna change?