This year, I decided it was best for me to start taking Accutane again. I’ve had an acne problem since I was a young teen and it has adversely affected me physically, mentally, and emotionally. I feel self-conscious when I have even minor zits and acne, and the scars from the years of fighting this problem makes me unhappy about my appearance and confidence. I’m not easy to admit this but I’ve always been told the truth shall set you free.

Let me begin by describing Accutane. It is a popular brand of the generic drug Isotretinoin which contains a significant amount of Vitamin A. This helps to dry out your skin, which helps prohibit the development of oils that usually promote acne to develop. The medication can be so severe that it dries out the skin causing symptoms such as peeling, cracking on your lips, drying your eyes out, nosebleeds, and worse effects such as headaches and depression from the chemical imbalance and emotional challenge of this fight.

Last year, the FDA approved a program called ipledge aimed at targeting women to not use this drug while pregnant. Accutane can cause birth defects and thus is harmful for women who are pregnant.

That’s fine and dandy. Except men are required to enter this program.

That’s right. I’m required to register each month with ipledge, even though my chances of getting pregnant are ZERO. It’s physically impossible (even though a customer rep from ipledge claimed my chances of getting pregnant are really low! WHAT??) for me to become pregnant.

One of the very strict rules that the FDA has made with this stupid program is that if I don’t fill my prescription within 7 days of my doctor visit, I must wait 30 days to get back into the program, which is also the amount of time for the initial waiting period before you can get prescribed medicine. There’s no other reason than that.

The pharmacy at which I was getting my drugs first told me they couldn’t get into the system because of some password. They told me to wait a day. Fine. The next day I went in to get everything and they said they were still having trouble and that they should have it by Friday. I told them to give me a call when they have it. No phone call. I then called them back and asked them why they never called me. The lady who took my prescription was on vacation and never did anything about it. Then they claimed to have lost my prescription before calling me back saying they found it. By that time, it was too late anyway and they had to call to find that I didn’t qualify because of this 7 day waiting period. I’m never going back there again.

Needless to say, none of what happened was in my control and I am now, AGAIN for the 3rd time THIS year, taking ANOTHER 30 day break to restart the prescription. I called ipledge this morning and was very stern and aggravated but the guy (who had no idea what he was saying) assured me it was beyond his or anyone else’s control.

I hate the ipledge program. I don’t belong there, I don’t need to be enrolled, but in order for me to even begin to fight this mess I must abide by its rules. I should make a life’s not fair category and stick this under it. The worst part about this is that I’ve done everything I can up until now and have nothing to do but wait until my next appointment with the doctor. Not only is this affecting the treatment, but I now have to waste more money to see the doctor, more money on more prescriptions, and more time worrying about everything. I hate to worry, I hate being angry, I hate acne, and I hate ipledge.

One year ago, I spent this whole weekend in San Francisco visiting a friend of mine that I hadn’t seen in a year or two. We went touring all throughout the city, seeing a lot of great sites as well as enjoying some wine up in Sonoma County. I also went through some mess on my last day there.

My car got towed the moment I arrived in the city. So I spent the following Tuesday paying the city whatever cash I had and walking around town or riding on the bus to various locations just to claim my car. What a total waste of time and such a crappy way to end my beautiful stay in that city. Luckily, I’ve been back again to reclaim my love.

The day after my return from the bay area, I began my brand new job as a Website Content Manager, which was disguised as Front End Web Designer. I spent the next 9 months of my life working for the man before finding another job doing actual Front End Web Designer work. And I’ve been there 3 months and counting.

It’s weird that I’ve lived 27 years and I’m only one year into working full-time. Most of my peers back in Texas or around the country have had many full-time jobs since they graduated college at around 22-24. It just took me longer. And for good reason.

I moved out to LA just over 2 years ago to find work. Houston had nothing there for me and I was at the end of the line trying to find anything worth my time. LA, however, wasn’t all it was cracked up to be. The opportunities I thought I had quickly dissolved and I was back to square one quickly. This time, however, I had a part-time job at Magic Mountain and some freelance gigs which I took for granted.

I’ve battled laziness all of my life. I enjoy the moments where I’m doing absolutely nothing. It’s easy, it’s relaxing, and I don’t have to think about anything. But this has severly kept me from doing the things I really ought to be doing.

I love traveling.
I love music.
I love photography.
I love performing.
I love producing.
I love desiging.
I love technology.

I had a year and a half to get any step of my career going, something that involved any of the above. And through all that time I wasted, nothing happened because I made excuses and went back “home” for weeks on end. I don’t regret all the traveling I’ve done. I just regret the actions I never took when I was here. And it’s my own fault.

If this past year of working two full-time jobs has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I deserve to spend my time doing the things which I love. All of the above, and much more. I am an ambitious person, one with dreams and desires. And I hope that I can accomplish living a life full of passion. Not for anyone but myself. Day in and day out should be spent smiling and enjoying life in everything you do. And if people accuse me of lacking focus, it’s because I want more from my life than most people.

I’m not going to settle because I plan to live. In the meantime, I’ll continue what I am doing and figure out my next moves.