vancouver and victoria photos on flickr

Having just spent 4 hours editing and organizing, please go to my photos page and see all the new photos of vancouver and victoria. More to come when I have this much time but enjoy the first two days of my trip to the great northwest!

seven days and counting…

I’ve made so many memories involving the number seven, however relative they might be to other people. Jana knew I enjoyed the number seven. It feels like yesterday that we were dating and I brought up our imaginary future.

“Ya know, if we’re older and still single when the year 2007 roles around, I think we should get married on July 7.”

7-7-7

I think the idea to both of us was kinda far-fetched since we were so young and 2007 was so far away. Now it’s 2007 and it’s days away from July. The 7th day will probably come and go with little to no fanfare. I certainly won’t be getting married either. It kinda scares me how quickly this day has come.

I remember years ago when I was 10 thinking how far away 1995 was. In fact, I vividly remember the actual thought, but my memory has faded for the visual. I just remember the feeling I had. Then 1995 came and I could recall how I felt just 6 years previous. When 2000 struck, the same memory popped back up. It was weird knowing that I had that memory 11 years previous. And now, it’s been 18 years.

I’ve been away from LA for three weeks now, having visited Seattle, Canada and now Houston. And I’m a week away from flying back. This has been a return “home” like no other. And my return to LA shall be bittersweet.

The positives:

  • Eating more Tex-Mex (although I haven’t nearly had enough)
  • Spending time with so many friends (and so many more to go)
  • Helping the clinic’s network reach a normal state (for the first time in a few years
  • Seeing some friends get married (even though I had to actually ush one)
  • Taking late night bike rides (I haven’t ridden in a long time; it was very nice)
  • Seeing a lot of familiar places and recalling so many memories (reminiscing can be enjoyable)
  • Life without television (I think I’m going to try really hard to force myself to read and exercise when I get back)

The negatives:

  • Having to actually go to work almost full-time (with some overtime too)
  • Realizing how single I am (however nice it can be)
  • Being avoided by a couple of friends (it kinda hurts)
  • Not spending enough time with some friends and family (I need the money, sadly; or they’re just too busy)
  • Not much time to just veg and relax (there have been some long days)
  • Not enough time spent in each place (I could have spent so much more time in Seattle and another week in Houston might have been nice)

I have no regrets, but I do have unfulfilled goals and desires. Time is all I have before new memories will be made. I can’t wait until my next adventures.

television

You would think being away from television for so long would cause withdrawals. It’s probably easier to deal with since summertime produces no new episodes of anything I watch. But two weeks and counting without television feels great. Maybe that’s because I veg in front of my computer so easily, what with this social networking revolution and all.

I’m not sure I could function well in today’s world as a kid. TVs practically raise kids now. There’s all types of programs for all types of ages and situations. I know of parents who sit their kids down in front of the boob tube all day. No real parenting happens from the time those kids glue their eyes until the next distraction. Pop in the latest childrens DVD or a movie and your parenting is practically over for a couple of hours.

I did spend my share of time in front of phosphor-coated screens. Whether it was Saturday morning cartoons for 6 hours to countless hours of Nintendo and Super Nintendo games (ah, good ‘ole Final Fantasy 2 and MarioKart), I enjoyed every second of my favorite mindless, passive childhood activity.

Watching TV is now mindless to me. It’s background noise. It’s second nature. When the evening reruns of the Simpsons start, my TV stays on non-stop until I sleep. There’s always something meaningless to fill the quiet void. It’s my comfort zone. It probably contributes to often short attention span. I even find it difficult to read a book for so long.

Despite, I am highly enjoying my television freedom. I know what happens the second I get home, but maybe I will pick up new habits here to replace old ones (such as reading more stories or articles that AREN’T online).

crossroads

It’s already hit me and I’ve been here only a week. I’m THAT guy. You know, the guy who never can seem to get into a relationship? Yeah, THAT guy. I’m the perpetually single guy. But I can’t really blame myself, can I? I’m not sure I feel bad about who I am today. I am who I am and I am where I am. That’s all there is to it.

“You just haven’t met the right girl,” they all tell me.
“There’s nothing wrong with being a bachelor for a while,” they innocently say.

With every friend I’ve spent time, he or she has a significant other. These significant others have been around for a while, too. But for some reason, I feel like this time is different for me. I’ve felt like THAT guy. I show up to see my friends, most knowing there’s no one accompanying me. And I love seeing friends and enjoying the company, but I can’t help but feel like I’m so far behind everyone else.

Coming back to Houston, no matter where I am, is always the same as going back home. Or to a place which kinda feels like home. It’s my comfort zone. It’s where I’ve spent a big majority of my life. And being back has always let me feel at ease, like there isn’t much to worry about. I come back to a lot of familiarity.

Since leaving my full-time job in April, I’ve seen a lot of familiar faces all over the country. I’ve gotten to know or reacquainted with many friends. And I’ve had a lot of time to myself on the plane, in my domiciles, or in some cars, reflecting on all the things I’ve done in my life. I think it’s hitting me inside right now.

The next few months of my life are looking pretty critical to my future in some ways. I have goals for living in Los Angeles that I hope to live out, such as getting back into music and entertainment related business, as well as seeking out production opportunities. I might try working as a movie extra too. Or maybe even audition for some roles. I didn’t move to LA for what I have been doing, I moved there for what I desire to do.

I just haven’t met her yet. I don’t know when I will. But I need to make the most of my time alone. I need to prove myself right.

i was reminded

It’s been a month since I left for New York City and already it seems like a lifetime ago. The past month has pretty much reminded me of so many different things about my life.

I was reminded that I love Manhattan. I cherish my trips to the city, enjoying something completely new with every visit that I make. I was only just there last October but I don’t feel I could ever get enough of that city, at least from a visiting perspective. I love the rush and bustle of such a beautiful city, of the concrete island where the whole world turns to. I miss the abundance and convenience of everything being within reach. And I now miss knowing that I might be facing something really special.

I was reminded that I’m onto my next adventure before I finish blinking my eyes. Soon after arriving back home from Manhattan, I quickly had to turn around for the next flight to Dallas for a graduation and family reunion. It’s always nice to see those who I grew up knowing and loving. And bringing everyone together in one place again is comfortable and peaceful, even if we do all have our own drama and can get sick of each other. But, once again, I said my goodbyes and tried to make my peace with finding out I wouldn’t get that chance.

I was reminded that sleeping in until almost noon is so relaxing and easy. The reminder that I’m fighting on my own is scary, and realizing that my life is in my own hands is even scarier. I didn’t make enough effort these past two weeks. Instead, I relaxed and did what I wanted. I spent my minutes consuming all that I found. I’m gonna have to do better than this when I get back.

I was reminded that fundamental differences affect who you are. I learned about, which was kind of a renewal, how satisfying it is to make unique experiences. To go where most people don’t, to enjoy what little has been discovered, and be with people who want to see life differently. I’m different than most of my friends because I don’t keep a steady job or participate in the mundane routines or follow in the same footsteps. I continue to gather new insights in the niche of life; those things which don’t mean much to most but can bring immense joy to few. I was reminded to look beyond the ordinary and strive for the extraordinary. But I didn’t see some of this until others opened my eyes again. It’s satisfying to embrace the differences in others, but the things I can’t just change overnight will be a barrier to continuing down those familiar paths.

I was reminded what it’s like to have feelings. I made connections and grew into relationships with old and new. I realize more what I do want and what I do not want. But I fall victim to not getting what I really desire. I gave it all I could but found out that it wasn’t going to happen. It’s not fair to not give yourself the benefit of the doubt, to not give your 100% opportunity before calling in your chips, but sometimes you’re not allowed to finish what your started and must move on from what you wish you might have. I’m so thankful I was at least given the opportunity because it made me very happy. Just a few more weeks of, I hope, a little more bliss…

I’ve been through a lot in just a month but I feel like in some ways, I made the best of mostly everything but wasn’t given the opportunity to find out about the rest. I took so many photos of Manhattan and am proud of how they turned out, even if they are still very amateur. But I wish I had the chance to explore the new avenues I was walking down. Instead, my path was diverted to a dead end that I see in the distance. Eventually, it’s back onto some other trails.